I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
