can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
