when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
