Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
