I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
