My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
