I wish I could punch you in the face.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So many bounce houses so little time
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
