I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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