also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He better not be in your backpack
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
