So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
