You're my little dorito
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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