just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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