Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
