I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
