I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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