did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
