speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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