found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
