you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
