Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
