dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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