remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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