Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
