If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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