After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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