i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
