I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
