Even the bartender felt bad for me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
