im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
