i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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