they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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