Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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