She's JV to your varsity
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
