omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
