Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
