I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
