fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
