Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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