When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
