Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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