my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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