remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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