dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
