The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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