3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
