Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
