Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
