How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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