my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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