Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
