He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
