I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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